panic attack. deadlines. time flies doesnt it? just when i thought i can stop and rest...
i got a lot on my plate. and i never intended it to be like this. for goodness sake, i took up much less than i intended at first. hell, what did i do wrong? evrything it seems...have i no common sense? have i no responsibility? have i no perseverance??
i fell like giving up. for the first time in my life, i really mean it. i never gave up before, never fully give up. i lost some hope, yes, but never to the point that i feel that there is no use to keep on struggling and trying. i used to have dreams, vivid ones, that i would hold for dear life, that would pull me through everything. not all of them came true, but at least they helped me get through my worst moments in life. people used to look at me with such pity, or maybe they thought it was unbelievable, that i who have failed so many times would still dare to have such dreams. they thought i had no hope of achieving such things. but hell, i proved them that i can survive, even though not all of those dreams came true, but i did exceed their expectation. that was before.
but not this time.
dreams....where art thou?
looking for a speck of light to follow in this darkness
